The best team names are original creations, but sometimes we understand that you don’t want to spend hours finely tuning a pun-laden name of your own, so we’ve put together a list to inspire you.
These names have been gathered together from current leagues within the UK. Whilst they make funny (make that ‘hilarious’) 5-a-side and fantasy football team names, please be aware that there are some team names on the below list which some may find offensive. In no way can we guarantee that these names will be accepted by your league organiser.
We’ve sorted the list into ones that involve player names; those that are parodies of English, Italian, Spanish, Portugese, German, French and International team names; then to top it all off we’ve got some miscellaneous crackers to finish. Enjoy!
Player-Pun Team Names (Current Players & Managers)
(most of these are English Premier League, past or present)
- Chicken Tikka Mo Salah
- It Just Got Messi / About to get Messi
- Ronaldoughnuts
- Only put Matip in
- Teenage Mutant Ninja Skrtels
- Benteke Fried Chicken
- Moves Like Agger / Agger Diouf Diouf Diouf
- One Flew Over Lukaku’s Nest
- Double Pogba and Koke
- Who ate all Depays / Walking in Memphis Depay / Depay in the Sky
- How I Met Your Mata / Hakuna Juan Mata
- Willian Dollar Baby
- Cahills have eyes
- Ospina colada / If You Like Ospina Coladas
- Schezney Hawkes / Sanchez-ny Hawkes
- Chamakh My Pitch Up
- Beat Around Debuchy / Blame it on Debuchy
- Khedira Pin Drop
- Dembele Galaxy
- Baines on Toast
- Delph & Safety
- Lads on Toure
- Nice to Michu
- Michu at De Gea Ba
- Klopp Outs / Kindergarden Klopp / Klopp goes the Weasel / Klopps and Robbers / Two Girls One Klopp
- Lock Stock and Two Smoking Carrolls
- Boom Shake Shake De Roon
Maradona Kebab, anyone?
- Slumdog Mignolet / Who wants to be a Mignolet
- Absolutely Fabregas / Cesc in the city / Fabregasm
- I’m Lovren it
- Dzeko and the Bunnymen
- Xhaka Khan
- Sterling Silva
- Chiellini Con Carne
- Balotelitubbies
- Crouch Potato
- 50 Shades of O’Shea
- It’s All Gone Shane Long
- Out on Bale / Released on Bale
- My Little Bony / Hung like a Bony / One-trick-Bony’s
- Tea and Busquets
- #YOLO Toure
- Bendtner Over
- Dukes of Hazard / Hazard Lights
- Rolls Reus / Egg-fried Reus / Reus’ Pieces
- Chubby Alonsos
- Diego Costa Coffee / Costa Fortune
- Krul Runnings / Only Kruls and Horses / Krul to be Kind / Krul and the Gang
- No Weimann No Cry
- Law abiding Sigurddsons / Gylfi Pleasures
- An inconvenient Huth / You can’t handle the Huth
- Super Nani (After TV show ‘Super Nanny’)
- Ozil Gummidge (After English TV show ‘Worzil Gummidge’)
- KROOSing for a Bruising / Kroos control
- Every day I’m Schneiderlin/Bellerin/Coquelin
- Red bull gives you Frings / Red bull gives you Ings / Lord of the Ings
- Wanyama’s In Pajamas / I Wan ya Ma
- Klose but no Cigar / Too Klose for Comfort
- Robben me Blind
- LamborDeeney / Deeney in a Bottle
- Sanogo On A Pogo
- Giroud Let The Dogs Out
- Men Behaving Chadli
- How about Zlat?
- Pique boo / Pique Blinders
- Fun Lovren Criminals
- We Arbeloa lot of teams
- Juan on Juan
- 2 girls 1 Schlupp
- De Jong boys
- Pepe pig
- Pique and De Bruyne
- Clyne Kampf / Whose Clyne is it anyway?
- Neuer Gonna Give You up
- Game of Stones
- Lallanas in Pyjamas
- Bad Kompany
- Pep Lardiola
Player-Pun Team Names (Retired Players)
- Murder On Zidane’s Floor / I bet you’d look good on Zidane’s Floor
- Petr Cech Yourself
- Maradonna Kebab
- The Neville wears Prada
- Puyol Pants Down FC
- Haven’t Got a Kalou
- The Vaz Te after tomorrow
- Andy Gray’s Anatomy
- Finding Mido
- Inglorious Basturks
- Dude where’s my Kahn
- The Odem Chickenwingies
- Phantom of the Chopra
- Ji Sung Park the Bus
- The Passion of the Cruyff
- Rigobert’s Thong
- Debbie does Gallas
- Le Saux Solid Crew
- Get Defoe kuyt
- Ruud Van Nipplejoy
- Jurgen’s Binman (Jürgen Klinsmann)
- Kenny Jacket Potato
- Wright Men Can’t Jump
- Keane learners
- Lahmageddon / Silence of the Lahms
- Mark-o Pirlo
- Get Defoe Kuyt
- Insert Joe Kinnear
- Jimmyfloydbottlebaink
- Blink 1 Eto’o
- VazTe-Sectomy
- We Arbeloa Lot of Teams
- Making Emile of it
- Xavi Dodgers
- Mirror Signal Malouda
- Alice in Hangeland
- Sex, Drugs and Carlton Cole
- Chocolate Ba’s & Corn Eto’o
- So Solid Carew
- Don’t look Bacary Sagna / Bacary Lasagna / Daiquiri Sagna
- Rodallega Bombs
- Agger Diouf Diouf Diouf
- Eric Bantona
- Titus Shambles
- HuttonDressedAsLahm
- One Size Fitz Hall
Jimmy Flloyd Bottle Bank – even to this day, Jimmy celebrates when he sees a bottle bank
English Team Names
(real team name in brackets)
- Arse ‘n’ all (Arsenal)
- Aston Filla / Aston Vanilla (Aston Villa)
- AFC Pornmouth (AFC Bournemouth)
- Bolton Squanderers (Bolton Wanderers)
- Brighton & Hoe Albion (Brighton & Hove Albion)
- Crystal Meth Palace / Crystal Phallus / Fritzl Palace (Crystal Palace)
- Whateverton (Everton)
- Exeter Gently (Exeter City)
- Moleicester City (Leicester City)
- Liquor Pool FC (Liverpool)
- Man Titty (Manchester City – “Man City”)
- Bantchester United / Man-Chest-Hair United (Manchester United)
- MK Dongs (MK Dons)
- Notts Florist / Not in your mums forest F.C (Notts Forest / Nottingham Forest)
- Old’em Pathetic / Old ‘n’ Pathetic / Oldman Arthritic/ Texas Oldham (Oldham Athletic)
- Port Fail (Port Vale)
- Queens Park Strangers (Queens Park Rangers)
- Seshfield Wednesday (Sheffield Wednesday)
- Stroke Titty / If it ain’t Stoke, don’t fix it / Stroke City (Stoke City)
- Blunderland (Sunderland)
- Not so Hotspur / Tottenham Hotsperm (Tottenham Hotspur)
- Breast Homage Albion / Breast Rummage Albion (West Bromwich Albion)
- Fred West Ham / West Ham Sandwich (West Ham)
- Dances with Wolves / Woefulhampton (Wolverhampton Wanderers)
- KFC Wimbledon (Wimbledon)
Italian Team Names
- AC A Little Silhouette Of Milan / AC Me Rollin’ / AC Dead People (AC Milan)
- Fiorentina Turner (Fiorentina)
- Genoa-cide (Genoa)
- Enter ‘Me Lamb / Inter Thepub / Inter M’Nandos / Inter Your Nan/ Inter Ya Gran / Outer Milan / Inter M’Ladies FC /Inter Bread / Inter Row Z / Inter Milan-Drover (Inter Milan)
- Pooventus / Jewventus (Juventus)
- Fatzio / Ladzio (Lazio)
- Crapoli (Napoli)
- Romasexuals (Roma)
Could ‘Fiorentina Turner’ be the team name for you?
Spanish Team Names
- Pathetico Madrid / Athletico Pathetico / Athletico Madras / Sweaty-co Madrid (Atletico Madrid)
- Athletic Bilbao Baggins (Athletic Bilbao)
- Beercelona / Barcaloners / Farcelona / Banterlona / Barca Bone Her / Leave our Arse Alona (Barcelona)
- Deportivo La Catalent (Deportivo de La Coruña)
- No Hablo Espanyol (Espanyol)
- Colonel Getafe / Getafe me sister (Getafe)
- Osasuna Or Later (Osasuna)
- Unreal Madrid / The other Madrid / Fake Madrid /Real Madras / Real Ale Madrid / Real Madreadful (Real Madrid)
- Real Sosobad / Real Sociopaths / Real Social Lad (Real Sociedad)
- Sevilla Lacatalent / Sevilla Constipation / Jimmy Sevilla (Sevilla FC)
‘Colonel Getafe’ – probably would make a decent Midfield General
Portuguese Team Names
- Bumfica / Menfica (Benfica)
- FC Poor Toe / FC Porto Loos / FC Porto Cabin / FC Porno (FC Porto)
- Sportin Abeergut / Sporting Lesbian / Snorting Lisbon (Sporting Lisbon)
German Team Names
- Borussia Ya Teeth
- Bayern Bru
- Bayer Neverlosen / Buyher Leathershoesen / Buyher Leathershoesen she’ll love ya (Bayer Leverkusen)
- Borussia Mönchenflapjack / Truncheon Gladbach / Monster Munchen Gladbach (Borussia Mönchengladbach)
- Brian Munich / Bayern Eunuch / Buying Munchies (Bayern Munich)
- Eintracht Mind (Eintracht Frankfurt)
- Hangover 96 / Hannover 69 (Hannover 96)
- Schalke Oh Dear (FC Schalke 04)
- Werder Beermen / Weirder Semen / Murder Bremen (Werder Bremen)
- Kaiserslaughtered (FC Kaiserslautern)
Murder on Zidane’s Floor – One of the best names out there!
French Team Names
- Expected Toulouse (Toulouse)
- Paris Ganja Man /
Paris Ain’t German (Paris Saint-Germain F.C.)
- Kings of Lyon / The Lyon King (Lyon)
- Paralympique Marseille (Olympique Marseille)
International Team Names
- Ivory Toast
- Tekkerslovakia
- Poortugal
- Largentina
- Braziliant
- Shitzerland
- Argentina Turner
- Cameroon Diaz
Other Football Club
- Ajax Treesdown FC / Basement Ajax (AFC Ajax)
- FC Twente Stone (FC Twente)
- Parmesan Belgrade / Parmesan Belgrade (Partizan Belgrade)
- Steaua Needarest (Steaua Bucureșt)
- Boca Seniors / Berocca Juniors (Boca Juniors)
- Dinamo Fookdarest (Dinamo Bucureșt)
- FC Copenbadly (F.C. Copenhagen)
- Dynamo Chicken Kiev / Dynamo Kebab (Dynamo Kyiv)
- Mentalist Kharkiv (Metalist Kharkiv)
- Substandard Liege / Pub-Standard Liege (Standard Liège)
- Mugabe Haifa (Maccabi Haifa)
- Olympiadross / Paralympiacos (Olympiacos)
- This is Sparta Prague (Sparta Prague)
- Cry me a River Plate (River Plate)
- Shakhter Sheep / Shakhtar the heart (Shakhtar Donetsk)
- Red Balls Salzburg (Red Bull Salzburg)
- Rapid Vienetta (Rapid Vienna)
- Fenerbackache (Fenerbache)
- Tamponspor (Trabzonspor)
- Is your Motherwell (Motherwell)
- H.I.V Eindhoven (P.S.V Eindhoven)
- Fener Bar Chair (Fenerbache)
USA Team Names
- ACDC United (D.C. United)
- Colombus Spew (Columbus Crew SC)
- LA Fallacy (LA Galaxy)
- FC Phallus / Phallus Cowboys (FC Dallas / Dallas Cowboys – NFL)
- Tittsburgh Feelers (Pittsburgh Steelers – NFL)
Miscellaneous Team Names
- Chewbacca the Net
- I Predict A Diet
- Club Tropicana Drinks FC
- Multiple Scoregasms
- Neverbee Athletic
- 99 Problems But a Pitch Ain’t One
- Real Lee Sheet
- Hardly Athletic / We’re Not Athletic
- This is Norway to Play Football
- Sons of Pitches
- Norfolk ‘N’ Chance / Norfolk Enchants / Norfolk n’ Clue /
- Suffolk ‘n’ Ordinary
- Obi 1 Kenobi nil
- Wrong Direction / Wand Errection
- Class on Grass
- Ball of Duty
One for those who love their gaming? It’s a bit more ‘back ops’ than ‘black ops’ for some.
- Liquorice Allsports
- Club Foot
- ABCDE F.C
- It’s Spraining Men
- Geri-Hat-Rick
- Champagne Super Rovers
- Scouting For Goals
- Chicken Tiki Taka
- Dyslexia Untied
- Victorious Secret
- Game Set and Snatch
- Nonbeleaguers
- The Mighty Schmucks
- Goals Aloud
- Goals R’ Us
- Lord Of The Wings
- Euro Anchor FC
- Beating Chastards
- Kiss My Pass
- Michael Barrymore’s Swimming Club
- Raul Moat-drid
- Ribery’s U-16s / Stewart Downing’s U-16s
- Dyslexia Untied
- The Fashion Pulis
- See You Next Tuesday
- Game Ovaries
- 2 goals 1 cup
- Here for Beer
- The High Five
- Designated Drinkers
- Cunning Stunts
- Egoala (an irreverant take on ‘ebola’)
- Cheeky Milandos
- She was only XI
- Goal goal power rangers
- Sesh Club 7
6-a-side Team Names
-
- Six Offenders
- The dirty half-dozen
Got a better team name? Add it in the comments section below.
Thinking of joining a league? See our guide: A guide to joining a league or how to start playing 5-a-side football.
Spandau Bailly
Finding pogba
Tottenham Thotspur
Ayew lostmyhouseski.
Dork City (York City)
Strawberry (Shrewsburry)
Accrington Stan Lee (Accrington Stanley)
AFC Burn Ye’ Mouth (AFC Bournemouth)
Bikediff City (Cardiff City)
Nevertown (Everton)
Man Heister City / Main Chest Heir City (Manchester City)
Oldcastle United (Newcastle United)
South Arm Ton (Southampton)
To The Ham Hotspur (Tottenham Hotspur)
Watchevy / What For (Watford)
I might think of more sometime…
Adam Johnson’s under 11’s
Vardy Poopers
banned united
Shinnie Happy People
the Meg masters!
Cahill have eyes
Dier hard
Petr call sol
Rock down to etienne capoue
Goal goal power rangers
Added, thanks!
safe my brudda
Wayne kiers
Mönchenbadslags, Jargventus
Inter ya mam
Winners take drugs
Got a lot of variations of ‘Inter ya….’ already.
Pele-ing low or
Pepe-rooney
Shocking puns those ones. Did raise a smile though!
Borussia MunchOnYourCentreBack
Sounds like the Louis Suarez team name. .
Cech-That-Hazard
Batman For-Evra
Clever names, both of them.
Rooney Fuchs your Nani
Cor, that’s a bit raw that one. haha
Does Michael Owen you money?
I Didier not see this comming
Are you an Ozilum? (Asylum)
I am absolutely TerryFied
Can only fit matip in
Lahm bread
Inter Yanan
Got a few of those variations already! Thanks though.
Moons over my James
That’s gone straight over my head?
Debuchy Fanny
Rosicky business
Bad Kompany
Salt and Lineker
Jighalos
The Ibes of march
whose Clyne is it anyway?
Clyne Kampf
Excellent list!
every monkey has it’s own bale
i swept my floor with ronaldo
Rooney tunes
Ayew Shaw
Clever one that one – nobody will know who Shaw is if Mourinho doesn’t start playing him again soon.
2 girls 1 schlupp
Fc Bantalona
Toulouse or NotToulouse FC
Jewventus
(Where your from)’s got talent e.g. Streatham’s got talent
Spartak Tesco
Texas Oldham
Dude, Where’s Micah?
Tekkerslovakia
Luis Suarez ate my hamster
Some good ones there. I’ll add them in (though got a few already).
I got a few ones i made myself…
Cuadradic Equations
Martial Arts
I Wan ya Ma
Vlaar Dimir Putin
Juan on Juan
Dani Carnival
Pandor the explorer
Fener Bar Chair
Brighton & Hoe Albion
Sheffield Everyday
Hannover Depays
Great work. Will add them in!
When are they going to be added??
Here is one more: On your Marc Gestede Jo!!!!
or Wanyama Gestede Jo!!!!
I’ve added the best ones now! Cheers Christopher!
Ings of Leon
Kngs of Lyon
The Lyon King
Put you on the Deco, and shove it in your Puyol
Pravia Slagues
What’s that coming oh its Boaz myhill
BlunderProne Wonderers
Snooze you Kroos
A few more…
Cash for Gauld
Shay’s Given me grief
Kevin where’s da Broom?
Good ones.
How I met your Mata
Nvm…I saw it already on the llist
Klose Hanger Abortions
:))))))))))))))))))))))))
Real marsalona
The NOnaldos
Gabby Your moms a hore – Gabby Agbonlahor
Happy Birthday Yaya
Borussia Munchonaflapjack
Bayern Neverlusen
The Son new paper
Live Frei or Die Hard?
Either referencing Seattle Keeper or Former Swiss Int’l Alexander Frei
FC Monster Munchengladbach
Never mind.. just seen it is already in your list
Ayew let the dogs out!!! Ayew yew yew yew!!
What goes on Touré… stays on Touré
Lads on Touré
Dann!!! Dann!! Daaann!!! (alan partridge ref)
Absolutely love these names! Okay how about:
Scholes Galore.
Mary had a little Lahm.
You Kahn do it!
Klose but no cigar.
Is Michael Owen you Manè too?
Ayew Serious
SugarKane
Who ate all Depays
Ayews is a good one
See man driving a Hermann Whip
Borussia Munchenpillowcase
Boy in striped Wanyamas
life is krul
Sergio Biscuits
Madeleine Milan
dalai lahma
Daniel porridge
I’ve got a couple:
Lucas leiva alone
Lukaku akbar
Leave My Arse-alona
Cry me a River Plate
Hull City Tigers
AC dead people
Finding Neymar
Why You Gotta Be So Ruud
Kenny Dogleash
Robert lostmyhouseski
class
What about The Ducking Fivers? Most teams have at least one of them these days!
Krul Intentions (Tim Krul)
Iker To Impress (Iker Casillas)
Skrtel is evolving….
Stay Clasie San Diego
Ctrl alt De Laet
Blink 1 eto’o
Escape from Alcaraz
I really like Ctrl Alt De Laet – but I’m not sure how popular the Leicester player is? If Clasie takes the Premier League by Storm, I’ll add it. Added the other two.
Crystal Palestinians 🙂
Pop goes the Witsel
I like it!
Put your Coquelin – put your cock in
Borussia Carpetmuchin Gladback
Oh dear! haha
Getafe me sister
Haha. Added!
Leave My Arcelona
Inter Ya Mum
Adam Johnson FC U16’s
Beating Chastards
The Usual Sexpests
Got quite a few of those already. Anyone going to use the Adam Johnson one?!
Jewaminster fc
I used….’Shakhtar the heart’…..last season, hope you like it too
Could pair it with a friends team called “Jogi Low a bad name”
Sanchez Pay-et it Costalot
Love that! Added.
Arsene Vader
haha.
Not seen these so far … apols if I missed them.
Lord of the Ings
Fun Lovren Criminals
Insert Joe Kinnear
Get Defoe Kuyt
We Arbeloa lot of teams
Some beauties there. Added!
Red bull gives you INGS
Added!
H.I.V Eindhoven
Added!
Is Your Motherwell?
Got that one already.
How About
Who Eders Wins
Needle in a De Gea Stack
All Creatures Great and Smalling
Haha. Where do you guys get these from – brilliant!
FC Twente Bensons, Desperately Seeking Guzan
Haha. Good ones.
I’ve had a think………… i’m torn between these…..
Bigfatarse Ivanovic
BRING BACK THE KANE!
Dion Dumpling
Which one should i choose?
It’s got to be Dion Dumpling for me!
Men Behaving Chadli
Silence of the Lahms
She was only XI
How about Zlat?
Pique boo
Brilliant! Added them to the list.
Willian Balls
VazTe-Sectomy
Added the Vaz Te one!
willy an balls?
Borussia Munchinggrannysnatch
She needs a BONY
I’m not sure if it’s enough of a classic for the list. Thanks though.
How about Inter Milan-Drover. Regards
Added!
Don’t Have a Kalu
Already got it.
A few I like are:
Vas Te Mata with Hughes; Drogba Dead Donkeys; Bellerin Than Out
What do you think?
Krul to be Kind
Blame it on Debuchy
Giroud Let The Dogs Out
Lamella…ella…ella
Arse ‘n’ all
Aston Vanilla
Added. Thanks!
Cheeky Milandos
Added
Tamponspor
Sanogo On A Pogo And Range Rovers FC 😉
Sanogo yes; range rovers no. 🙂
Kaiserslaughtered
Barsenelona
Fenerbackache
Added!
Here are a few I have come up with:
Wright men can’t jump
Too Klose for comfort
Neuer not
Robben me Blind
Costa Fortune
Balotelli-tubbies
Lambordeeney
Immobile phone
Klopp goes the weasel
Another one bites the Dost
Can of steel
Most of those made it in. Congrats!!
How about – two goals one cup!
Already there!
If it ain’t stoke, Don’t fix it.
Added
Jurgen’s Binman
Added
Don’t know if you hVe it but
KROOSing for a bruising
Nice one. Added
Every day I’m Schneiderlin/Bellerin/Coquelin
Like it. I will add those!
Kroos control
Klose but not in
Liquor Pool FC
Total Kaká FC
I like those!
AFC Pornmouth
Added
Wenger’s ensemble/Wengers assemble
Red bull gives you Frings
Kenny Jacket Potato
Howard Pleb
Victoreus
Lukas pisstake
Daley Blind school
The best Evra
Life’s a pitch
Keane learners
Added some of them
AC dead people
Added
AC A LITTLE SILLOUETTO OF MILAN
It’s already on the list, Lee!
I bet you look good on Zidanes floor
Added
Law abiding sigurddsons
Dude where’s my kahn
Lord of the frings
cesc in the city
Danny mills have eyes
Kindergarden klopp
Finding mido
Inglorious basturks
The vaz te after tomorrow
Wow. What a list. I’ll add some of them to the page. Kindergarten klopp – haha.
Jesus navas and the deciples
I’ve used these in the past:
Schezney Hawkes
Mertesaker Diaries
Benteke Fried Chicken
Fantastic. I really like schezney hawkes!
Bright & Mauve Albion
Real betis hotpot
Bit of a coronation street niche there!
FC porno- FC Porto
Hannover 69- Hannover 96
Added
Wanyama’s In Pajamas
Haha. Very good. I’ll add that to the list.
Buying Munchies
Buying Money
Bayernse La Madre
Added Buying Munchies
Shindler’s assist
I’m filing that under ‘I know I shouldn’t laugh, but I did’
Batman van persie
NotReally United
Awkward Bony
It’s gotta be:
Egg Fried Reus
Jimmy Sevilla
Inter Death Row
Game Of Throw In’s
Hardly Atheletic
Arsealona
Added a few of those
Don’t look Bacary Sagna…
No Weimann No Cry…
Excellent – I’ve put them in the list!
I checked this website for some idea’s & it inspired me to think of these…
The Noble & Far Kings
Balls to the Wall
The Low Flying Balls
The Misunderstood
The Armless
The Aimless
M.I.A.
Footloose Futsullers
Australian Crawl
Wots in the box with the spots
Like it!
Krul Runnings – Mixing Tim Krul with Cool Runnings
That’s a good one. I’ve put it on the list!
What about Real Sociemum
Don’t look back in wenger
Look at Demba Boobs
Not in your mums forest F.C –> Nottingham forest F.C
Hi Keith, never been a favorite of mine, but popular demand says it goes on the list. Congrats!
Interyanan
Daniel, we’ve already got it. Thanks though.
KROOSing around
Klopps Kings
Phil, thanks for the names!
Torpedo Belgrano
Too sophisticated – bit of war history in there that not many will get! Congrats for being high-brow.
Oldman Arthritic as in
Oldham Athletic (smileyface) wee have few senior members in the team
Hi Seamy, I’ve added that one thanks!
IF you’ve got some senior members in the team, I’ll be interested to get your thoughts on this article: http://www.5-a-side.com/uncategorized/am-i-too-old-for-5-a-side/
Reus’s pieces
Added
Multiple Scorgasms
Duncan disorderly
James, thanks for them!
I am the Wanayama’s
Why Always Me FC
River Plate of chips
It only takes A Mignolet
My 5-a-side team were called Sporting Lesbians and we often played such teams as Inter yer maw and Bayern Muffdivers.
Hi Tommy, that’s a pretty funny league you’re playing in! Hope you’re doing well.
Crystal Meth Palce
Diego Costa Coffee
Added
Dynamo Fookdarest
Added!
Rigobert’s Thong
That one really made me laugh! Added
WerDer Hood At
KFC Wimbledon & 2 Goals 1 Cup
JJ, good ones there – consider them added!
MIKE HUNT FC
Petr Cech Yourself
Helton John
A reference to Porto goalkeeper Helton Arruda there. Like it!
Chocolate Vlaar
Jimmy savilla
Dear me, that gave me a laugh, but it’s a bit ripe – even for this page!
Sonio Bravo
Modern ballfare!
That’s extending the Ball of Duty even further! Nice.
Shiverpool Waterpsorts
Suso Solid Crew
MasturBATE Borisov
FC Kolon
We’re Not Athletic
Whateverton
Belche
ACDC United
Colombus Spew
FC Derek Grozny
Some beauties in there! I’ve added them to the list and even started up a new USA section.
PVA Kalou
haha. We like that one!
KFC?
My say list looks great and can’t believe my 5-a-side is listed in there
Inter M’Nandos
Glad that your team is there!
Nan’s united
Bayer huge dick
Ronaldonuts
petr cech your pants
Don’t Panic-nicos
Daikari Sagna
Pathetic Athletic
Atheltico Kebab
Added a couple of those.
Fabregasm
SheWasOnlyXI
reus crispies
Baines Mainz Heinze
2 player names and a team name – clever.
Rape Arlour FC
Jesus Navas & Moses
One Man and his Drogba
Nice one Jake.
Reus Krispies
Mc Vitesse Arnham FC
Shaktar on the desk FC
Shaktar Brains Out FC
fElche FC
Gala-Toss-Off-Boys FC
Who Ate All Depay FC
Touching Young Boys FC
Added who ate all Depay now he’s playing for Man Utd!
Toilet HotSpurt FC
not really recent but had raoul moat-drid and mugabe haifa
Not heard those before. They’re in the list now!
Arse Hull
really good one for this year……..
Absolutely Fabregas
I’m Lovren it
Added! Thanks.
Slumdog Mignolet
Added – thanks!
Amkar Sperm
Wow – haven’t had many suggestions for Russian teams. I had to look that up – Amkar Perm, playing in the Russian Premier league. Thanks.
Banterlona
Bantchester United
Jay-Z Milan
How I Met Your Muller
Neur Idea
Nice one. I’ve added some of them to the list above. Thanks
Bristol titty
50 shades of Marlon king
Ji sung-park the bus
Ji sung park the bus has been added. 50 Shades of Marlon king is a bit ripe!
Cowdenchicken
A witty twist on Scottish team ‘Cowdenbeath’!
Chocolate Ba’s & Corn Eto’o
Loving those George! We’ve added them above.
Buyher Leathershoesen she’ll love ya
Clitoris allsorts
Oh dear me. I wonder if that one is in use! Thanks for the suggestion.
Bayern Eunuch
I don’t give a Fuchs
You are a star poster. That’s lots of good ones in your comments alone. Keep them coming!
This is my actual team name for my five a side team- Panic at the Isco
I like it a lot!
Norfolk & Chance
A solid name there!
Fritzel Palace doesn’t seem to have appeared
It’s on there now! Thanks.
Sex drugs and Carlton cole
Really like that one! It’s added!
Ramos a la playa
The Juan and only
Dishevelled United
Like it!
Chocolate Ba
Crapoli
Weirder Semen
Aarhus, in the middle of our street
Bacon-Cheeseburger SV
Inter Your Nan
Kiltic
Mentalist Kharkiv
You sir, have been immortalized in the above list. We’ve added loads! Brilliant suggestions.
Red Balls Salzburg
Paris Ain’t German
Blunderland
Kings of Lyon
Schalke Oh Dear
Some good ones in there
‘Kiss my Pass’ is a classic
Congratulations – It’s been added!
it just got messi
How I met your Mata
Old’em Pathetic or Old ‘n’ Pathetic
Pathetico Madrid
GoalsRus
Real Sosobad
Queens Park Strangers
One Mata! I love them. I’m going to add them all in.
Thank you!
‘Fritzl Palace’ needs to be on here…
Consider it added. Thanks
Sheffield Thursday
‘The Dirty half dozen’ for six aside
It’s a winner! I’ve added it to the list. Thanks for the comment.
Bayern always losing or Bayern Never Losing
Inter MaNandos
Haha. Like it!
Recently entered a league using the name Paralympiakos, haven’t seen anyone else using it, thought I should share!
Nice one Anthony. It’s been added! Hope the league is going well.
99 Problems Begovic Aint’ One !
Nice twist on a classic!
How about, FERGIE FILLS SCHMEICHELS GAP WITH SEAMAN
It’s probably not one for the list!
There are some great names on here and looks like you had a look at our list we compiled. Love of the additional ones you have found here and might have to make a top 200 best 5 a side names!
‘Haven’t got a Kalou’ is amazing!
http://www.openplay.co.uk/blog/best-5-a-side-football-team-names-top-100/
Thanks for the comment. We were aware of your article but didn’t want to copy so we put ours together from actual team names playing at the moment – yep, several boring hours spent going through all the online league information we could find! I think it’s a great compliment to your list that there are so many teams out there using the names you’ve gathered. I take my hat off to you sir, and can highly recommend your list to anyone reading this post.
I’d love to see the top 200 names – I’m going to keep adding to this list, so who knows where it will end!
How about tottenham hotsperm
Added! Thanks
I’ve used ‘murder on Zidanes floor’ in the past